‘That last one’s messed up, right?’

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

I apologise too much. I know I do. Especially when it comes to my best friend. And I know she hates it. But it’s a habit. It’s really difficult to explain why I do it, because I don’t really know myself, but what I can tell you is this. Today, I decided that I need to change. Yes, I’ve been saying it for a while, but it’s now really important. And so I set about googling, with fairly little faith. And I found the story of my life. Okay, I took one of the sentences out and I edited it to make it a bit more PG, but this is me. This is exactly what I do!

“I say it when I’m nervous. I say it when I’m uncomfortable. I say it in place of excuse me. I say it instead of more appropriate words. I say it when someone is hurting and I want to help. I say it when I’m scared that someone will leave me, like a damn apology martyr. I say it to inanimate objects when I drop them. I say it to pigeons I nearly step on. I say it when I want to hear someone else say it to me.
That last one’s messed up, right?”

And it’s on my bucket list. It has been for a while. Number 42. ‘Say sorry only when you need to’

But change is difficult. And change takes time. But I’m pushing people away with my insistent ‘sorry’ and I don’t want to do that. That’s exactly why I say it, to pull people closer. And it’s doing the opposite. It’s nearly a new year, so maybe it’s time for a new attitude, it’s time to change.

So, for now, unless I’ve really hurt you, I’m not sorry any more. I’m going to ask you to ‘excuse me’.

Living. Laughing. Loving.


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