‘That last one’s messed up, right?’

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

I apologise too much. I know I do. Especially when it comes to my best friend. And I know she hates it. But it’s a habit. It’s really difficult to explain why I do it, because I don’t really know myself, but what I can tell you is this. Today, I decided that I need to change. Yes, I’ve been saying it for a while, but it’s now really important. And so I set about googling, with fairly little faith. And I found the story of my life. Okay, I took one of the sentences out and I edited it to make it a bit more PG, but this is me. This is exactly what I do!

“I say it when I’m nervous. I say it when I’m uncomfortable. I say it in place of excuse me. I say it instead of more appropriate words. I say it when someone is hurting and I want to help. I say it when I’m scared that someone will leave me, like a damn apology martyr. I say it to inanimate objects when I drop them. I say it to pigeons I nearly step on. I say it when I want to hear someone else say it to me.
That last one’s messed up, right?”

And it’s on my bucket list. It has been for a while. Number 42. ‘Say sorry only when you need to’

But change is difficult. And change takes time. But I’m pushing people away with my insistent ‘sorry’ and I don’t want to do that. That’s exactly why I say it, to pull people closer. And it’s doing the opposite. It’s nearly a new year, so maybe it’s time for a new attitude, it’s time to change.

So, for now, unless I’ve really hurt you, I’m not sorry any more. I’m going to ask you to ‘excuse me’.

Living. Laughing. Loving.

alex122rw

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