This week has been hard. On Monday, I took my Grade Seven flute exam. Taking it was a massive personal step for me, and I was pretty shaken up after. My flute teacher phoned me on Monday night to tell me I’d got a merit. I was so so proud. I did it. I achieved something that I’ve been desperate to achieve for so long. Such a massive milestone. And my parents response was ‘Oh, great’ in that ‘Can you move on now?’ tone that parents seem to have perfected so well. I was gutted.
Thursday was parents evening. And it’s safe to say that I was dreading it. I work my socks off, I try my best 24.7. I don’t stop. And I’m still underachieving in biology. And I have pushy parents. The kind of parents that when I’m predicted a B will ask ‘Why isn’t it an A?’ – so you can imagine their reaction when I came home in January and told them that I got a C in my biology mock. My mother nearly had a heart attack. Christmas was taken over by a mash of revision and flute practice, and yet I STILL only got a C. I was gutted. Again. And then we had to face the so called ‘five minute appointment’ at parents evening. I was with my biology teachers for half an hour. We still haven’t resolved it. I can’t fail. I’m so scared of failure. I’m scared I won’t get into uni, but more importantly for me, since day one of this issue arising, I’ve been scared of my parents reaction. I’ve never got Cs before. And it’s a shock to pushy parents. I’ll pull through, somehow. But right now, I’m really really worried, and my parents really really aren’t helping.
Living. Laughing. Loving.