I have a friend who I have known since we were 13. She’s a bit mad, and often, I find her quite annoying. We squabble a lot, and frequently struggle to share the same opinion. It’s only recently that I’ve realised where this problem lies. She’s clever. Again, allow me to explain myself. I’m not judging her based on the fact that she’s clever, and I’m not jealous either. Of course I’m not! My best friend has a place at med school, and so does another of my friends. In fact, I’m friends with the only two people in my school with offers at med school – I’m sure used to clever! Maybe it would be more appropriate to reword my initial statement to ‘she’s lazy’.
So, she wants to be a vet, but she hasn’t got any offers. She doesn’t work for anything. She’s just learnt to expect it, and that is where my problem lies. Because I work bloody hard for my grades! She got a merit in her flute exam without ever picking up her flute, and all year she has avoided working. Goodness knows what she does because it’s not like she’s an extra curricular goddess either! She’s just one of those people that for her whole life has been able to achieve without any effort. It frustrates me. She continued with all four of her AS subjects, whereas I decided to drop one and focus on three. She didn’t revise over Christmas and still did well in her mocks. I really struggled. The other day, we were having a conversation about exams, and she told me that on exam leave, she revises for four hours a day. Two hours in the morning, two in the afternoon. I genuinely nearly fell off my chair.
How does this connect to my new goal? My goal is to beat her. For months I’ve been obsessing over my AAB that I need for University, and slipping into panic mode because I’m worried I’m not going to get it. I’m going to try not to do that any more. I’m going to work as hard as I can, and focus all my energy on doing well so that I can prove that hard work really does pay off. Yes, I’m going to get a bit stressed. Yes, I’m going to struggle. And yes, sometimes I probably have and will continue to push myself over the edge. But if that means I can beat her, then so be it. Because I don’t deserve to be beaten by someone who is lazy. Focussing on University is causing me pain, and I hope that for now at least, this will ease that pain and give me a new goal. She told me that she cares more about her mental well-being than revision, but that’s not the attitude for someone who wants to be a vet. I’m not saying that I want to kill myself through revising, I’m simply stating that hard work will pay off. And if it means that on results day I open my envelope and see the letters that I so desperately want and need, then fantastic. I hope that this can be a lesson to all those who are clever and know it.
Never again do I want to hear her say the words ‘But I am clever!’
Because I’m hoping that being ‘clever’ isn’t all that important. Wish me luck, I’m sure going to need it.
Living. Laughing. Loving.