The World Is Spinning

The bad thing about my slightly OCD revision timetable? I can’t cope when for whatever reason I’m unable to stick to it. It kills me. And then I’m weakened, and everything else starts to grind down on me. More and more of my brain space is taken up by worries and stress until I eventually wind up in bed in the dark with blurred vision and the headache from hell. Oh yeah, that would be like right now then.

I didn’t know that it was possible to shut your eyes and still feel like the world is spinning. But then again, I didn’t know until a few years ago just how ill I can make myself through stress. Revision is just unhealthy for me. Exams are unhealthy for me.

I had a fabulous night last night as a leader at my Rainbow Unit’s annual sleepover wakeover, but I’m exhausted. I was on my feet for hours, bedtime was hot and stuffy curled up on the floor, and the kids quite simply didn’t do much sleeping. The last one went to sleep at gone midnight, and the first was out of bed at 5am. I came home to be welcomed by a pile of revision and the realisation that in 20 hours all I’d had to drink were a few sips of tea and orange juice. On the hottest day of the year.

It’s led to this. It’s 8pm, and I’m tucked into bed. I have been unable to concentrate all day; all I’ve thought about I’d the texts my friend sent me last night, and her impending exam in the morning. I’ve thought about our little rainbow whose mummy is very ill with cancer, I’ve thought about the emotional state of another friend who appears to have had a difficult few days, and I’ve thought about how on earth I’m going to get through the next two weeks while my parents are away.

I’m lucky though, a headache is nothing. The neck pain and nausea hasn’t hit yet. Nor has the inevitable weight loss that comes with the stress of the exam season. My first exam is on Friday. We’ll see how it goes.

There is the potential that my friend may be staying over on Friday night to watch a DVD and go running. That would power me through the week, but I won’t get my hopes up. The feeling of being let down will just make me fall further into the pit of darkness.

Here’s to it all being over. Here’s to June 20th.

Living. Laughing. Loving.



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