But what about when ten miles suddenly becomes four hundred and fifty miles? All being well, in September, we’ll both be going to University at opposite ends of the country.
That’s a little scary.
I’m not going to use this as an opportunity to ramble on for hours about how fantastic she is, or how much I do worry or am going to worry (that’s a post for another day!) but instead take time to try and accept what’s going to happen. Because that girl has changed me, and I’m genuinely going to struggle without her. I’m not going to be able to call her at any time of day, to chat all night long, to rush out for a last minute coffee, to go for a Thursday morning swim. I’m not going to be having flute lessons, and she is certainly not going to be able to pick me up from them when they end badly!
Four hundred and fifty miles is a long trip, and an expensive one, too. Our holidays aren’t at the same time. We’re not going to see each other. I know that I could never forget about her, but what if she forgets about me? What if she moves on with life, and suddenly, I’m insignificant? I’m telling myself over and over that it’s not true, but how can I ever be sure? I thought I was sure, but once more, I have my doubts.
My brain is fighting with itself. I’m flipping between two sides of the coin. Is going to university going to be positive, or negative? I have my theories, but until someone asks, I’m keeping them to myself. Four hundred and fifty miles. I can’t even imagine that distance. And I sure can’t imagine that distance if I or she is ever in trouble, or a time of need. When I typed it into google maps, and saw the number, I shed a tear. Yes, I cry at everything. But what you need to understand is that I have three types of tears, and this was most definitely number two of three. Heartache. Shoot whatever names at me you like, but love and friendship go hand in hand. And the love you share in friendship is one that words cannot describe. And the feeling of breaking that is another which fits into that category.
But this is all silly really. When I wrote this post a few days ago, that’s how I really felt. Now though, it’s different. My emotions right now are often entirely based on my feelings of self-worth on that particular day. Today, I saw her, and she made me feel amazing. It’s going to be okay, because wherever you go in the world, you’re never more than a day away. I believe that she loves me enough to not abandon me. Deep down, I’m sure that somehow, we’ll manage, because this is the most special friendship that I think I will ever have.
So, I’m going to go into that chemistry exam tomorrow afternoon, and I’m going to ace it. Because I AM going to go to university, and I AM going to have a fabulous time. We ARE going to keep in touch, and together, we’ll conquer the world.
Living. Laughing. Loving.