Blackness

Panic. It’s back again. I’m desperately trying to take my best mates advice and believe in myself. But it’s so so hard.

I’ve got an exam this afternoon. I’ve been awake for an hour and a half, I’ve done a bit of work, but now I’m back in bed.

Why? I’m dizzy. I know I’m only dizzy because I’m letting the panic swallow me up. My heart rate has increased, my ventilation rate has increased, and I’m shaking. That’s why I feel dizzy.

I’m trying to be okay, I really really am. I’m trying to be positive, and I’m trying to remember the goal I set of just beating my clever but lazy friend, but it’s so difficult. The panic is taking over me. At the back of my mind is that niggling thought that the weight of my life is resting on these exams, and slowly, the blackness is taking me.

I need someone to believe in me. I want someone to help me to believe in myself. But I know that somehow, I’ll survive, because if it’s easy, it’s not worth living for.

Living. Laughing. Loving.

alex122rw

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s