But I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Firstly, it seems that I’ve forgotten how to stop. Whilst most teenagers are spending their days lounging around the house complaining of boredom, I’ve got a jam packed few weeks. And even the last few days when I didn’t need to be busy, I’ve just made myself busy!
Friday afternoon I had several meetings, a rainbow event, and a concert, Saturday I was bag packing, but woke up at six thirty so did some cleaning before I went out. Saturday night I went out with friends, and yesterday I spent most of the day cleaning, despite actually being really quite ill (you don’t need all the gory details!). I’ve also got plans for the next few days before I head off to DofE and music tour.
If one more person tells me to slow down, I’m going to go insane. I keep myself busy for a few reasons, and just because I haven’t told you what they are, if doesn’t mean that you should interrupt me. Maybe you’re right, maybe the months of endless revision means that I’ve forgotten how to stop. Maybe I do feel a little guilty when I sit and do nothing, but have you thought about it from the other prospective? What if doing things stops me from thinking? By keeping myself busy, I don’t allow myself the time to worry. I don’t allow myself to worry about university, what my best friend has been eating, if I’ll get the grades, and how I’m going to climb those hills on DofE. You’re right again, I’m probably not allowing myself enough time to stop and breathe, but that’s what I’m choosing right now, so don’t stop me. I’m choosing it because I don’t want the hassle of constant arguments and battles in my brain. I want to enjoy my summer, not spend it panicing. And if that is to the detriment of my physical health, then so be it.
Living. Laughing. Loving.