For me however, whilst there is a faint glimmer of excitement fluttering in the corners of my brain, the thoughts of Freshers are largely terrifying. Moving away, living alone, and growing up are all very daunting prospects, and there are so many things which could go wrong.
I’ve got so many goodbyes to say before freshers, and many of those will be heartbreaking. Not only do I have to say goodbye to family, I have also to say goodbye to my school, my safety, and my security. My favourite teachers, and my fourty minute flute lessons. I have to say goodbye to the music department, my ranger leader, the Rainbows. I’ve got to say goodbye to my friends, the people who have kept me going through the past few years. I’ve got to say goodbye to my best friend. I’ve got to say goodbye to the tags and mental notes that I keep on her, and the safety net that even if she isn’t eating, I can still see her every day and know that she’s okay. I’ve got to say goodbye to the comfort that she provides, and the shoulder that I know I can cry on. Not all of these goodbyes are permanent. For many of them, I simply wish to say goodnight, with the hope that I will see them again in the future, when morning comes. However, it doesn’t seem to matter how temporary the goodbye may be, each one tugs on my heart strings as much as the last, and each will be difficult.
Talking has never been and never will be my strong point. Of course, moving to a place where you know nobody means that you have little choice but to talk. I’ve got to make new friends and meet new people, and I’m hoping that it will come naturally. I’ve always been quiet, and meeting ‘new’ people within school has always been difficult, but maybe when everyone is in the same boat, and I don’t have any pre-existing opinions, it’ll be easy. I hope so.
Although this is largely conquered, I still have a significant fear of alcohol looming over me. I fear getting drunk, and I fear not remembering what happened the night before. I fear hurting someone, or doing something stupid, or having someone hurt me. Without familiar faces around me, I know that freshers will probably be stressful, and difficult. Perhaps I just need to try and try to remember that I am in control. Have a good time, sure, but I make decisions about me. Those fears are irrational, and it’ll be okay.
The unknown cannot always be scary though, and this time, I’m largely excited. I’m ready to make the move, to turn over a new leaf, and to have fun. I’m ready for uni, so bring it on!
Living. Laughing. Loving.