I heard a song today that contained some lyrics that hit me, and hard.
‘You could be doing anything you dream of if you believe in the things that make you strong’
It made me realise how much hope and belief I’ve lost over the past few days and weeks.
There’s another song, that has these lyrics:
‘You don’t have to do this on your own’
At one point today, I found myself pausing it with a muttered ‘But I do, I’m sorry but I do have to do this alone.’ It doesn’t matter how much I’d like to talk about how I’m feeling, it’s not an option. I can’t tell anyone because it’s so weak. It’s only uni, and I should be able to hack it. Instead, I’ve spent a lot of today crying, and looking up the procedure for dropping out. Whilst I’ve done huge amounts of work today, it’s not enough, and I’ve never been so far behind on anything in my whole life. It’s terrifying. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to catch up, and a combination of long hours, few breaks, little sleep, no interaction with the outside world, and eating too much sugar has left me in rather a mess.
But I’ve got friends. I’ve got support. My friends make me strong. They may be rather busy, but they’re there. I can do this. People believe in me, I’ve just got to try my very hardest to learn to believe in myself.