Illness = Failure

I’ve not had time out of education for illness since I was thirteen, and even that was only because someone in A and E told me that I needed the day off.

That was, of course, until today. I just walked out of my recorded attendance practical. It’s one of the ones where not attending means that I’ll fail the whole unit. I’m feeling rather angry with myself, and worrying about the consequences has meant that I can’t sleep off my pain, either.

But did I have a choice? I wouldn’t say that I did. Two friends told me that I looked pale, as did the lecturer when I asked to leave. I couldn’t stand up because of the pain, so sat down for the demonstration, and I was progressively switching between hot and cold with an overwhelming feeling that I might faint. I had to leave.

But now I’m lying in bed in a full blown panic. I still feel sick, I’ve skipped a lecture, too, and I’ve got a workshop coming up. Only my course mates know that I’m here, and I just want someone to text and check that I’m okay, because I guess that I’m feeling rather sorry for myself. I know I can’t expect that, from anyone, but I’ve ruined my chances now and I just wish someone could reassure me that they’ll be a way around this. I’ve not made an excuse, because I don’t make excuses. I haven’t felt this bad in years. But my ill health is going to mean I fail, and I don’t think that’s very fair.

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