How I’m Feeling

Whilst I might have been lured into a false sense of security by about midday that my pain had resided, and I was allowed a few hours to work, it’s now back, and with full force.

I can’t hold back the tears anymore. My pillow is soaked, and I still haven’t told anyone that I feel bad. I know that I should eat, and I’ve taken my iron, but the smell of the others cooking is nauseating, and no matter how many times I try to stand, I just cannot walk to my door. I don’t want to have dinner, I really don’t.

I’m exhausted, and in so much pain, I can’t remember the last time anything hurt me physically, or at least not to this extent. I wish that there was someone I could talk to, about anything. I wish there was someone out there to call and check that I’m okay.

I’m really worried, because it hurts so much. I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight if it continues, and that’s just going to emotionally drain me even more. I won’t concentrate tomorrow, and I’ll cry until my eyes sting, with nobody around to fix it.

My thoughts are jumbled, as you may have noticed. My only coherent thoughts really are that my body burns, and I feel like I could be sick at any moment.

Go away pain. I don’t get ill, and I don’t want to start now. I’m already demoralised, I don’t need illness to come and make it worse.

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