Excited

I may be holding out for all sorts of reasons. My brain may feel a little dark, and I may be wanting Christmas so that you can help me push the darkness away, but I’m happy, too. I’m very very excited for Christmas. I’m excited to see my dysfunctional and crazy friendship group, I’m excited to spend time with my family, to wrap presents, and make cheesecake. I’m even excited to run through train stations and make the long treck home with a chai in my hand. I’m excited to take time to start reading books again, and I’m looking forward to being able to revise in peace and sleep in my own bed.

Yes, I’m hoping that you’ll help me escape the darkness, but that’s not really why I want to see you. Mm, I want to check that you’re okay, too, and that uni hasn’t taken the real you away. Yes, I want you to teach me Henderson Hasslebach, and talk about stupid ‘boring’ topics like absorption of paracetamol. But they’re not the reasons that I want to go home. I’m counting down the time until I go home, because I’m excited to spend time with you. I’ve missed you, and I’m excited to hear your voice, to laugh, to smile, and to gossip. I’m excited for all the good reasons, not the gloomy ones! That in itself is an exciting prospect, when sadly our friendship has been full of pain. I’m excited to see you smile, and to drink chai and genuinely take some time out to have fun.

And that’s why everyone here thinks I’m crazy. That’s why every few hours I give an update on what I’ll be doing this time in X days. Because I’m really really happy to be having three weeks at home, and not only to do all the Christmassy things, but to have an amazing time with you. It’s rather alien, but I’m loving my little high, and the closer it gets, the more of me switches from tired to wide awake. Come on, pleeeeeeeeeeease let’s go for coffee already. Please let’s make 450 miles into 10 miles. Share some Christmas cheer, and be REALLY REALLY SMILEY 🙂

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