It’s All Over

So, Christmas Day is over, the fun and festivities have gone. We’ve opened presents, we’ve drank champagne and eaten far too much food. We’ve played games, watched awful TV, and fallen asleep on the sofa. I don’t feel as happy as I know that I should though, and it’s beginning to grind on me. A lot. An awful, awful lot.

I’ve had some lovely things. A pandora charm, a candle making kit, perfume, chocolate, and alcohol. No, of course I’m not complaining! In fact, I’m extremely pleased, and surprised. I’ve been well and truly spoilt.

Unfortunately though, there was a couple of things that ruined yesterday. I felt fairly sick all day, and slept awfully on Christmas Eve. Although I stomached all four courses of Christmas dinner, I couldn’t move afterwards and I kept getting a completely overwhelming feeling that I needed to cry from the pain and sickness (top tip, deep breathing). That sucks, because nobody wants to be ill on Christmas Day, do they!? And on top of that, as the night drew in, I forgot how to enjoy myself, my brain overcrowded by feelings of failure and dread. My first exam is in twenty days, and I’ve not been revising hard enough. I don’t know enough, and at this rate, I’m not going to do well enough. I’m supposed to be going out with my family today, but then I’ve got to go to London all weekend, and I know that by Monday I probably won’t be able to cope if I haven’t done any revision. It’s crazy.

On top of that, all I want to do is say Merry Christmas to one person. I can’t text or call her as she’s currently abroad, and while the first Facebook message was seen (but she never replied), subsequent ones haven’t even been delivered, even though she’s been active several times since I sent it. I’m trying not to be ridiculous, but my brain is slowly beginning to think that I’ve done something wrong. She doesn’t have to reply. She doesn’t have to read it. Facebook is allowed to muck up so it doesn’t deliver. But my brain doesn’t work like that, does it? All I want is to say two little words…

Merry Christmas. And Happy Boxing Day. I’m still deciding if I should enjoy family time, or revise. The dilemma is huge, and seriously, it’s killing me. It may not seem like much, but it really really is.

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