Happy New Year

Last night was weird. Really really weird, it’s bizarre. This is probably going to make no coherent sense to you, but hey, I tried!

The ridiculous Megan Trainor song, ‘all about that bass’ came on, and I refused to dance. I HATE that song. Just no, she’s an idiot, and I’ve told you why before. That made one of my friends quite angry. It’s a good job I’d only had as much alcohol as I had had, or because I was soooo close to shouting ‘You only like it cause you’re fat!’ I stopped myself, but if I’d had any more, I wouldn’t have been able to.

I had 3 small glasses of wine, 2 fruit ciders, a jäger bomb, a sours shot, and a vodka shot. I knew that I was safe, because I trust my friends from home, and I’m getting better at tolerating my alcohol. For me, that’s quite enough thank you very much, because the only person I really really trust is my best friend. But either way, it was fun. I loved it, I danced, and I was at that level where you’re happy to jump around without embarrassing yourself.

I had an asthma attack from second hand cigarette smoke, and no inhaler, but we won’t mention that as I was fine!

I also saw a girl who’s a year younger than me, and not yet eighteen, in the club. Her parents know mine, and she used to live down the road from me. We never really got on, she’s a ‘cool kid’ and a bit of a chav, hangs out with the wrong crowd. I could feel her eyes on me, silently judging me for being out and having fun, so I just judged her back, jumped up and down, and smiled twice as much. It was an amazing feeling, nobody was going to stop ME from enjoying myself last night!

When the countdown to midnight ended, I linked arms with my friends in a little ring, and we happily sang along to old lang syne, and laughed and smiled. For a second, I was really happy. I thought I was excited for a new year, and for the pain to go away. It took a good few minutes for my brain to kick in and recognise that 2014 was gone, and it had been really really painful, and that there was a chance the new year wouldn’t be much better. Tears welled in my eyes, but I didn’t let them flow. It may have been safe to drink, but with those friends, it’s not safe to cry.

I had a good night, one of the best I’ve had in a long time. Drinking is fun, if only you let yourself have fun. The new year is here, and I’m not going to wish for a better year, because that’s not something that I can change. Instead, I want only friendship, support, and to know that someone is always by my side to pull my through the fog. In return, I’ll do the same for them.


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