I’ve been awake since 5.45am, and I can’t get back to sleep because although it’s silent, I’m still rather livid with my best friends mum. You see, my best friend is coming today, and she was supposed to stay for three nights. Then her mum took a night of that away. I hardly ever get to see this friend, she’s eighteen, and all I asked for was for three days that were planned two months in advance. I can’t stand it. She does this every single time we plan anything, weather is be not allowing her to give blood before uni, and in that denying me my last goodbye, or cutting our coffee down to half an hour at Christmas. And I can’t sleep because although I’m over it and have accepted it, it’s meant that I’ve had to buy a new train ticket, and that’s not fair. And that ticket has cost twice what I originally thought, and so that is money I won’t get back from my parents. Which means now, I’m in debt. That’s not fair, at all.
But either way, it doesn’t matter. What matters is she is coming, but what really matters, is that first, I have an exam to take. And it’s six am. And I can’t sleep. And I’m going out tonight. And I can’t afford to not sleep. Because my exam isn’t until one. And the longer I’m awake, the more time I have to work myself into a state of panic. I think I’m going to have to get up soon, because lying in the dark isn’t healthy for me. Everything in my head just spins.
I can’t take this exam. I’m not mentally prepared, I haven’t revised enough, and I’m not happy. I’m too jumpy, and I need it to be over. I don’t have words, it’s too early. But it needs to go away, because I can’t go on.
It’s one more thing on top of a high and wobbly stack. Sometime, it’s going to fall, and that’s going to be a very very scary day.