Five years, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t really that long. But when you look at it that I’m twenty in a few months, five years seems much longer – a quarter of my life in fact. And five years is the amount of time I’ve known my best friend, as facebook very kindly told us today.
There’s times when I wonder how we made it though that time: how did she ever put up with me? How have I coped with her? But the answer is simple, we care about and love each other more than the other realises. That’s what friendship is about, and I love and appreciate that more than anything else in the world.
Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs. All friends do, and it’s perfectly normal. We’ve got our happy memories and laughter, and we have our regrets. In fact, I have a lot of regrets. But it’s important not to focus on the past, and instead consider the future.
There’s been times when I thought I might loose her, either through pushing her away with my own silliness, or really, actually loosing her. Forever, and gone. Dead. I hate that word. There’s been nights that I’ve been terrified that I won’t see her in the morning, or that she won’t want me to care anymore and will demand to never see me again. There’s been many many nights that I’ve worried about her.
I wish I had a magic wand and could make it all okay, for both of us.
But I can’t, so what’s important is that I’m always here for her. She could call me in tears at 3am, and I wouldn’t care. Hell, I’ve called her in tears at that time. She could call me one afternoon and tell me not to ask questions but make her laugh, and I’d try my complete and honest best to do so. She could ask me to sit in silence with her just so she knew that someone was there, and I would do it. She’s done it for me. If she needed me to, I’d happily jump on a plane and see her right now. I’d travel wherever she needed to go. I would do absolutely anything, and I truly and honestly mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I miss her every single day and I think about her every day. I worry about her every day, regardless of how she actually is. I wonder how little parts of my day would be different if she was there, and sometimes there’s nothing I can do to make myself feel okay because I just need her by my side, and she can’t be there. She’s far away now, and I miss her. I miss her more than I should, or more than I’d care to let anyone know.
Because friendship is everything to me. So here’s to the next five years, and that thought brings the escape of the single tear that I’ve been fighting back for weeks. Because I’m very very lucky to have someone who means and cares so much.