Time Passes

I’ve been thinking about time. No matter how hard we try, time is one thing we cannot change. Each moment ticks past at a steady pace, never getting faster, or slower. It doesn’t matter how hard you wish, you can’t go back to the past, or make the future come quicker. Our lives are governed by the passing of the seconds, the minutes, the hours, and the associations that we as humans make with them.

Ten years ago, I was just a little girl, attending primary school, brownies, swimming lessons, and generally having the time of her life. I used to spend a lot of time with my nan and older cousins, and laugh the days away. I was bright, I loved (was perhaps a little obsessed with) school, and always worked hard, and had good friends.

Two years ago, I was just starting my A Levels. These were the hardest years of my life, and I found the pressure unbearable at times. At the start, two years ago, I was ready to drop out. I didn’t think I could pass, and I was convinced that I couldn’t achieve. I had my design teacher, my flute teacher, and my best friend on side, but it felt like the whole world was against me. I was worried about exams, I was stressed with the workload, I was trying to balance too many plates, and I also had my best friend’s eating habits to worry about on top of everything else.

In two years time, I want to be doing a placement in Australia. I want to swim in the Great Barrier Reef, and I want to have crossed some more items off my bucket list. I want to have a fabulous time at Charnwood, I want to have visited Turkey with my best friend, and I want my degree to be going well. I want to have finished my ALQ for rainbows, and I want to be on my way to getting my Queen’s Guide. I want to be an ATE monitor.

In ten years time, I want to be curing cancer. I want to be doing everything in my power to make lives better for those around me.

In fifty years time, I want to be happy, married, with children. I want to feel like I’ve made a positive impact on the world. I want to have friends that I’ve known for years and years, and I want to know that I’ve got people that I can rely on, always and forever.

We can hope, we can dream, but we can’t change the past. Time must be accepted, and we must live for today, because you don’t know what might happen tomorrow.

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Three Years

Three years ago today, the person who is now my best friend, another friend of mine, and I jumped onto a 5.30am train. We sat down, and she had us drawing graphs for our GCSE science coursework. Yes, at six am. I know, I know, she’s crazy. Heck, I still believe that now! Before that train journey, and that week in France however, I’d never have called us ‘friends’. Up to that point, we’d simply been put in a seating plan next to one another in Science. Of course, friendship doesn’t just click, or happen in a day, week, or month, but that week changed a lot of things, and so we like to call that day the start of our friendship.

That makes today, as so aptly put by my best friend this morning, our ‘friendship anniversary’.

Three years, to many, seems like a very short period of time. For me, it’s a sixth of my life. Even that doesn’t seem like much though when you think that many of my peers have known their best friends for half or even five sixths of their lives; since the beginning of primary or high school. But it doesn’t matter how short three years may seem, does it? Because three years was long enough. Three years was all it took for us to become as close as we are, and to have such a crazy friendship.

It’s been a beautiful three years, it’s been a happy three years, and it’s been a three years full of heartache. I am more grateful for my best friend than anything else in the world, and I’d never survive without her here by my side. It’s hard to be 450 miles away, but she’s here emotionally, no matter what happens, and she’s only ever a phone call away.

In three years, we’ve told some of our darkest secrets, we’ve stood by each other, and we’ve cried on one another’s shoulders, but I don’t want to think about that today. Yes, all of that just shows how close we are, but that’s not the best bit of friendship. Friendship is about smiles, laughter, and planning fun for the future (like travelling the world, visiting each other’s unis, London visits for cookies, and camping trips!).

One if my flat mates has gone to meet her friends in a nearby town today. When all I’ve needed but known I can’t have this week is a hug from my best friend to get me through my emotional skydive, 450 miles is just feeling further and further. A meet up and a night out just isn’t possible when a plane journey is between you. But today, I will not dwell. Today celebrates three years of time I’ve had with this awesome girl, and so today I’m going to remember that week in France. I won’t dwell on the tears of the past few years, but instead I’ll remember the time she got her head stuck in the Eiffel Tower. I’ll remember the funny things my French Exchange partner came out with, not realising the double meanings of his words. I’ll remember standing around the piano and singing. I’ll remember the laser quest game, and the trip to the EU parliament, while carrying the mascot of the Olympics. I’ll remember that early morning train journey, and I’ll remember the week in France that sparked the friendship that I can now appreciate every single day.

My best friend is amazing, and I love her, all the way to the moon and back.

Living. Laughing. Loving.

alex122rw

It doesn’t matter how hard you wish!

You can hope that it never comes, or you can pray that it will come faster, but it doesn’t matter. Tomorrow is always just around the corner, and it will always come. The hours will always pass, and soon, you will find that tomorrow has become today.

I was really worried about today, but at the same time, I awaited it with anticipation. I was waiting for an email, which I was expecting to come today. Low and behold, it arrived in my inbox just after five, while I was babysitting.

Bizarrely, it didn’t cause the panic reaction that I had been expecting. I was happily bouncing on the trampoline, I heard the bleep, checked the name, put it back in my pocket, and carried on. Although my heart rate increased significantly for the remaining hour and a half of my stay, the panic was nowhere near the level that it has been over the past few days. At seven, I ran to my car, took a deep breath, and started to read.

There’s no point in worrying about what tomorrow might bring, because you’ve got to live for today. Tomorrow is a new day, and we cannot make predictions about what tomorrow might bring. Tomorrow always comes, so there’s no point in wishing it doesn’t. You may pray for sleep to overcome you so that the time seems shorter, or fight the wash of sleep in order to make time feel slower, but tomorrow still takes the same number of hours and seconds, regardless of how badly you want to see the light of dawn.

Living. Laughing. Loving.

alex122rw

Blink, and you miss it.

Sitting down for some time alone on the first day, a little bee perched on the rock next to me. Watching with intent, I noticed that it began to wash it’s face. Or at least, that’s how it seemed. Blink, and you miss it.

Scattering around in the stones to try and find something to pick up to signify the moment, so I would remember to blog about it, I found a heart shaped one. A perfect little heart, about 1cm in size. I picked it up and pocketed it. Blink, and you miss it.

Two white butterflies, dancing around on the top of the mountain. Blink, and you miss it.

A lone purple flower, only just visible because it is so small, hiding amongst the long strands of bright green grass. Nobody ever pays attention, it’s never noticed. Blink, and you miss it.

Turning my head on the journey home, I see the sleeping face of my best friend. So peaceful, so content. So ironic. But I take it to mean that it will be okay, and everyone will find peace somewhere. Soon, she awakes and we go back to our deep conversations. Blink, and you miss it.

In a twenty first century world, we are guilty of focussing on the big. For many of us, our lives resolve around the big things, the seemingly important things. I’m guilty, too. As a student I find that my life has a large focus on exams. I use a lot of my time worrying about my friends and family, and I am constantly busy with volunteering and extra curricular activities. On DofE this year, I took time to focus on the little things. It have me an opportunity to ground myself and really work on enjoying the experience. It was relaxing, and at times, it was all that kept me going. I’m proud to say that I completed it, and soon, I should be getting my award.

Living. Laughing. Loving.

alex122rw